David Colin Graham

Mr. Graham was my grade 3 teacher at Crescent School. My mother’s brief experience meeting him was all it took to convince her that Crescent was very special. She relates to me every now and then that she believes that she witnessed that year was the most impressive demonstration of teaching that she would ever see in her life.

I remember his teaching distinctly. He was enthusiastic and challenging with an earnestness that was noticeable even to an 8 year old. Even now decades later some of us will nostalgically recall his purity of being and his transcendentally sunny optimism. He was an exemplar of positive role models for boys. To this day I am exceedingly grateful to have had him as a teacher for 1 year of my life. Patrick, Cameron and Christopher, your father had a seismic impact on those he taught that continues to resonate now. I am exceedingly proud to have been his student.

My best wishes,
Alex

Dear Jill,
Please accept my and Sally’s deepest condolences. As someone on the periphery of the many wonderful friends that you and Dave share, and living in Italy, we had no idea of Dave’s battle with cancer. I have just read Fred’s beautiful tribute in the UCC Old Times and can only echo that on the few occasions when I had the pleasure to share Dave’s company, he always made me feel welcome even though I was never part of the circle. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Peter

My apologies for such a late entry.

I hadn’t kept in touch with Dave since rowing together at Queen’s in the early 80’s; yet I can still hear his infectious laugh, and see his smile that stretched from ear to ear. Dave’s wonderful zest for life will be sorely missed by, and perhaps provide comfort to, all those whose lives he touched. My deepest sympathy, Paul.

October 16, 2009

Eulogy In memory of David Graham.

Hello, my name is John Armitage.

I was Dave’s rowing coach at Queen’s and Kingston through the mid and late 80’s.

I have been asked to speak to the rowing side of Dave.

Dave recently told me that there were 3 significant influences on his life outside of his immediate family – camp, rowing and teaching.

On the Queen’s rowing team David was known as “Casey”. Casey was a smiley-faced, michevious red-haired puppet on Mr. Dressup who actually looked like Dave.

I invited some of those who rowed with Dave to share their memories with me.

All kept returning to “Dave the person” – not just Dave the rower

Here are their thoughts in their words.

Pranks – he had a gift – Devious but never hurtful. Nothing too elaborate and always timely when the right opportunity presented itself. Total and believable feigned innocence on his part and usually enough planning to not be immediately implicated ( or to have somebody else implicated in his place.) His students in his teaching years never had a chance. There was nothing they could pull that Dave hadn’t already thought about and probably done a few times. The end result was always positive, and cemented team relationships.

…after the Head of the Charles regatta we were going to get our picture taken. Because we had done so poorly (we collided with 2 boats), Dave thought for the picture we should at least make a good impression. It was therefore his idea that we stick rolls of socks in our shorts to make up for the lack of medals on our chests!

… – the permanent smile, the red hair, and the twinkle in his eye – features that made him stand out long before he spoke. Features that made you think “there’s a guy I want to meet” and “there’s a guy I could be friends with”.

… it didn’t matter who you were, or how badly you felt, it didn’t matter what you were doing, or how badly you were doing it, Dave made things better. I have never met anyone so universally loved, I don’t know how he did it, I am not like that, but I am a better person for knowing him. … I suppose you could tell anyone that might be interested that he is one of the reasons I have kept on as a coach.

Ice cream – He was the master. I never saw him miss an opportunity to stop for an ice-cream after a hard training session. He introduced me to Oreo cookie blizzards and various parfaits and he knew exactly what to order. He knew all the Dairy Queens, Baskin Robbins, White Mountains and Kawartha Dairy outlets from Kingston to Muskoka to Toronto and St Catharines. … Going for a “few quarts” was not a drinking outing – it was dairy bar time. It was also an extension of his personality. He always had it with company and he knew that sharing an ice cream outing was a great way to make friends.

But aside from his capability to ‘move a boat’, it was Dave’s personality and attitude that were his greatest assets. These gifts had an immeasurable impact on the development and success of the crew and the Queens team as a whole. Dave added the right combination of humour, humility, and a strong work ethic that was a positive influence on his crewmates, and made the Queen’s rowing experience so much better. Rowing with Dave not only made you a better rower, but more importantly, a better person.

I remember talking with Dave about UCC. I remarked on how many successful families had come from UCC. Dave’s reply was simple…”It depends on how you define success”

I would like to conclude with a poem. I hope you like it.

The Winds Are Now Gone

David rowed his life in a tail wind,
and many a race he did win.
At the boathouse he met Jill, soon to be his wife,
sharing a joyful and wonderful life.

Through the years in a tail wind,
David did row his shell.
As husband, father and educator,
all the time living, loving and teaching as well.

Then in the spring of last year,
the doctors delivered a sentence we all fear.
For in a number of months,
David would no longer be here.

The tail wind would be gone.
He would be rowing into a gale force wind, head on.

David did not regret,
into the wind he continued to pull.
Determined to live his remaining days,
with Jill, Patrick, Christopher and Cameron in full.

Friends, family and students,
took on a new meaning in life.
As did time with sons and wife.

Dave did not want us to cry,
just because he was going to die.

With laughter and smiles,
into the headwind he rowed his final miles.
Defying the odds, some sixteen months later,
David came to the end of this race,
He now awaits us in a better place.

The winds are now gone.
The pain is no more.
The waters are calm.

We love you David. May you now rest in peace.

Jill. it was so nice to see you. Our chat was great, although short. You looked amazing considering the circumstances and your speech broke my heart but I thought it was a great rememberance for the boys.
I would love to stay in touch, as promised please find my email Reach out anytime.
kmccarten@rogers.com
I am thinking of you. It is often harder when all the excitement dies down. Always know you have a friend you can reach out to. You have been so strong, and the boys will keep you going but always know that you have deep loyal friends in Toronto that you can depend on any time. Please reach out when you feel you can.

Dearest Jill,
I was so sad and stunned to hear of David’s passing from a colleague today. Away from the Independent schools for some time, I had not known he was ill. I felt compelled to write to you to tell you what an inspiration David has been to me since I met him at TCS. David was the best kind of mentor, teaching quietly and inclusively by exemplyfing everything it meant to be an outstanding educator and colleague. I have thought of his upbeat voice, always quick to laugh, and smiling face so often during the years since we both left Trinity. Every time I use a SMARTBoard, I think of David who first introduced me to it. Always innovative, always reflective, always putting students first. I am certain there are thousands of people like me, who, perhaps secretly, have drawn on David’s example to try to model our own teaching and living.
My deepest condolences to you and your boys.
Fiona Marshall: TCS Staff 1999-2001

I will allways remember David playing games with the kids. those two things (his activity and his choice of people to do it with) speak volumes to his charactor and personality.. thx David..

To Colin and all of David’s family, my mother has just passed on the very sad news about David. I had not seen David since our paths crossed at Queen’s over 4 years in the early 1980’s, but it was growing up and playing MTHL hockey with David from about the age of 7 or 8 until 14 or 15 that I will most remember him. The photo on this site reminds me of his smile that always was the precurrsor to his absolutely positive outlook usually followed by a laugh. I had not thought about David in many years nor had kept in touch but even through a passing of over 30 years I can still remember David like it was yesterday. His character was that infectiously upbeat and happy and I hope his family, wife and children can draw upon this in this dark time.

Jeremy Storie

Jill,
In gratitude for Dave’s great heart and his courage to live life fully and with commitment, in service to others.
With warmest thoughts and deep condolences to all of you on such a huge loss.
Liz.

The Truly Great
Stephen Spender

I think continually of those who were truly great
Who, from the womb, remembered the soul’s history
Through corridors of light, where the hours are suns,
Endless and singing. Whose lovely ambition
Was that their lips, still touched with fire,
Should tell of the spirit, clothed from head to foot in song.
And who hoarded from the Spring branches
The desires falling across their bodies like blossoms.

What is precious is never to forget
The essential delight of the blood drawn from ageless springs
Breaking through rocks in worlds before our earth.
Never to deny its pleasure in the morning’s simple light,
Nor its grave evening demand for love;
Never to allow gradually the traffic to smother
With noise and fog the flowering of the spirit.

Near the snow, near the sun, in the highest fields
See how these names are feted by the waving grass,
And by the streamers of white cloud,
And whispers of wind in the listening sky.
The names of those who in their lives fought for life,
Who wore at their hearts the fire‘s center.
Born of the sun, they traveled a short while toward the sun,
And left the vivid air signed with their honour.

to jill, patrick, cameron and christopher – i send you all the most heartfelt hugs from edmonton alberta. i read of dave’s death this morning, and am reeling from it, this thanksgiving sunday. david and i grew up together in timothy eaton sunday school classes, confirmation class, and later at queen’s university. what i most remember about him is his absolutely infectious laugh/giggle that would somehow get everyone else going as well, even if we were kneeling up at the front of the church waiting to take communion! david could always be relied upon to be the sunshine in any dynamic – in fact, i can’t recall ever seeing him without a smile at the ready other than at his mother’s funeral. after university my life led me out of ontario and i lost touch with most of my toronto connections, including david, but when i saw his photo in the paper this morning we were teenagers again and it will be some time before i am able to grasp that he is no longer here in the world as we know it. I know that you will continue to feel him in your lives – such positive energy cannot be destroyed… m

Dear Jill and boys,

We are shocked and greatly saddened by the passing of your dear husband -a great father and educator. There are no words that can ease your sorrow. However, may the laughter you shared together echo throughout the coming years and may your beautiful memories always bring you comfort.

Our deepest sympathy,
John, Anita, Chris, Michael and Scott Taylor
(Jill, you taught Michael at SHS in 1992)

Colin, I was saddened to see the notice about David’s passing. My condolences to you and your family on your loss.
Regards
Alida

Dear Jill, Patrick, Graham, and Christopher –
The Memorial Service today was a perfect sendoff for David, and we felt privileged to be part of an “Amazing” event attended by over 500 friends. Each speaker gave moving and funny tributes to a man who touched each of us in his all too short life, but your words of strength and encouragement at the beginning and the end of the service was an example of the flame that David passed on and will burn brightly in your family. If you ever need help with your journey, you can be comforted in knowing you will have support, no matter which way you turn.

Jeff, Sandi and Samantha Norton

Jill, Patrick, Graham, and Christopher.
Our thoughts are with you today. David has always been an inspiration and, for those lucky enough to have known him, an element of his warmth and spirit will always be with us.
Much love from,
David & Lori, Zachary, Keegan, and Brady

Dear Colin,
My heartfelt condolences to you, Sherrill and your family. Please know you are in our thoughts.

Jane

Dear Jill and family,
Jill you taught our Michael in Grade 2 @ Sterling Hall School.(many yrs ago as Mike is now 26). We knew that you had married David and how wonderful for you to have three children. From all of the emails above I can see you certainly married a wonderful man. I am so sorry for you and the boys to lose David at such a young age.
I thank you for all you did for our Michael and how you made learning so intresting.
We have resently purchased a home in Victoria and would love to get together with you when we next visit possibly June/10.
Our deepest sympathy goes out to you and may God give you the Grace to go forward in your life .
Love to you all, Dawn& Bernie Rivait.

Dear Collin & Sherrill:

Sorry for the delay in sending this note but we just saw it in the Globe. Hildegard and I want to send you our most sincere condolences on the death of your son. We know it has been a very difficult year for you both but we trust your fond memories of this very beautiful person will help you through this most dificult time. It is not just what you do in this life but what you leave in the form of memories that truly determine your impact. You have a great deal to treasure..

David & Hildegard Hales

Dear Jill and family,
Dave was a legend when we were training in the UCC weights room in the late 80s. We were told that he could squat many times his weight. We heard a story that Dave had burst a blood vessel doing power cleans – it made us want to do weights even more.
Later on I got to row with the legend. I was fortunate to have Dave join my crew when he came to Queen’s in 1989 for a graduate degree. We were in the lightweight eight together that placed second at the Head of the Charles and won the OUAA Championships. Dave’s intensity and soft-spoken personality helped make a cohesive, competitive and memorable crew.
My deepest condolences to you and your children and Dave’s legendary status will always remain with me in my heart.

Dear Colin, Sherrill, Jill, Patrick, Cameron and Christopher,

On behalf of all of us who worked so closely with Colin at The Royal Conservatory of Music I extend deepest condolences on the loss of your precious David. This is a loss beyond words.

Like Colin, David was pure in heart, courageous, intelligent, compassionate and humble. On the occasions I met David he radiated love and joy. During the many years Colin and I worked together I often thought how fortunate David was to have such a wonderful role model in his Dad. I know the same holds true for Patrick, Cameron and Christopher. David was an excellent role model. He was so proud of his family and his legacy will remain always in the lives of his wonderful children.

“Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” ~Author Unknown

Much love,
Angela

Dear Jill,
It has been a very long time since seeing you and David at OOCH.
You were BOTH favourites of mine. I then thought how fortunare the kids would be to have you both in their lives as teachers and as parents. My heart aches for you and for all your family.
Please accept a huge hug with a lot of love,
Pat

Dear Jill and boys,

Dave was my friend throughout university at Queen’s. He was always there for a late night run, or a game of hockey or just a good chat. We had many a good morning bike ride to the rowing club at 445am in Kingston.

Dave’s smile, his passion and his kindness helped to motivate me and brighten my days each time I saw him on campus. Jill, when you and Dave fell in love, you were always my most favourite couple. Your love shines through like the brightest of sunshine.

I lost my mother to glioblastoma 20 years ago, and I feel your loss.
David is truly one of the great people I have been lucky enough to meet in my life and I will always remember him.

I know Dave, the eternal optimist, will be keeping us all happy with his great spirit. All my love and best wishes and thoughts, Sincerely, Bob Stevens

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of David Graham – or as I used to know him, Mr Graham.

I was in Mr. Graham’s Grade 5 class at Trinity College School. He was one of the greatest teachers I have ever encountered and I feel so blessed to have known a man who has inspired so many.

I think I can safely say that I was one of the luckiest Grade 5’s in the world. It is not often students can say that their Grade 5 teachers taught them how to make bread, do Grade 9 math, or even took them on ‘nature walks’ that ended in ice cream. Those are my fond memories of you, Mr. Graham, and I will never forget you.

My condolences and prayers are with Mrs. Graham and her 3 boys.

Jenna Dickson
TCS ’08

Colin,
We were saddened to hear of David’s death in Victoria. We know how proud you and Karen were of him and his many accomplishments in the education field. It was a calling that he happily followed and in which he was able to serve and help many young people. We remember him and you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.
With our love, Jean and Ken Laundy

Jill and family,

I was very sad to hear that Dave had passed away. He has been in my thoughts several times a week for over a year – every time I was out running or rowing or swimming. Dave’s memory will not fade, however. I will forever associate him with the fun and accomplishments we had together on the Queen’s rowing team. I will also remember and continue to be inspired by his positve attitude to life and his honest acceptance of everybody for who they are. I am sure that the inspiration Dave thus provides will continue contributing to an improvement in the quality of life for everybody who has been touched by it, directly or indirectly..
I’m thinking of Dave and of you, his family.

Greg

Beth and Colin:

I am so very sad to hear this news.

Beth, my memories of David come directly from you. I can remember you talking – with such enthusiasm – about your awesome brother David – even when you were about 7 years old. And he was awesome. When we were a little older, we’d walk to school together from Strathallan, up Avenue Road, and I’d hear about the cool things David was doing. The rowing, the running, the camping…..

I am certain that he talked about you with the same awe and love.

I can still see that sparkle he had in his eye when he spoke – and I haven’t seen him in about 25 years.

I am thinking of you. Strength and love to you all.

Jen

Jennifer Ross

Our hearts are heavy for you Jill, Patrick, Cameron and Christoper. David was a truly special person as you all know. He was a blessing to all around him, what he added to everything he touched was outstanding in his quiet, caring and helpful ways. He truly did put everyone before himself – our society will always mourn for David. David is someone that shall never be forgotten. Our family always felt blessed to have met your family through GVAS and also lived in the same neighbourhood as you. Please know how special you all are to us, and how sad we are for you. Jill, Patrick, Cameron,and Christopher you are in our thoughts and prayers – our hearts go out to you all and to David for leaving his lovely family far too soon.

Dave was a rare gem of a person. I can only imagine how deeply he will be missed as a husband, father, son and brother. My deepest condolences to you his family.
I will cherish memories of endless ball hockey games on Lytton and Cortleigh, squash lessons at the Granite Club and many great times at UCC with Dave. He had a joyous enthusiasm for everything he did and an infectious get-up-and-go that will live in all of us who had the privilege of knowing him. Dave’s many achievements and accomplishments, yet always gracious demeanor, deep respect for each day, and endless energy to inspire the best in people will for all time embody true understated modesty, selflessness and humility. In the years to come, this legacy will be an enduring inspiration not only to you, but also the many friends and acquaintances whose lives he touched and enriched.
In the meantime, you have suffered an immense loss. Please know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of Dave’s many friends and acquaintances.
Sincerely,
Grant

Dear Jill, Patrick, Cam, Christy and Tiva,
What a wonderful tribute to David. HIs love and commitment to all who knew him will NEVER be forgotten. His life was short but his legacy is eternal.
Much love,
Miriam, James and Nova

Colin, you and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers in recent months.

All my strength

We are so sad to hear of the passing of David. Our daughter Nicole Mitchell was in Scott House while Jill was housemistress in 1999-2000. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this time.

David was Steward of Scaddings House when I entered grade 9 at UCC. I joined rowing partly due to his encouragement and we had a really good Schoolboy that year. David’s senior lightweight crew was extraordinarily fast and my novice crew was carried along by their success.
Somehow I ended up as Steward of Scaddings a few years later and I leaned on David’s example when I could. To this day I can still hear his words and see his smile.
Many years later I was coaching at Hanlan when David made his comeback year: at Canadian Henley he won the 145-lb single. I don’t think I gave him much help; as his friends well know, his enthusiasm and positive outlook are more than enough to get him across the finish line in style. Mostly I remember his independence and his support for my coaching (once a house head, always a house head!).
David called me years later to congratulate me on a job I had landed. Thank you David for your thoughtfulness and leadership: you are an extraordinary person and I will miss you often.