It is with broken hearts we announce that our beloved son, Duncan, passed May 4th, 2022, at the age of 33 on Pender Island, British Columbia. Duncan leaves behind his Mum and Dad (Wendy and Ian), sisters Robyn, Katrine and Fiona and his cousin Jeremy (Lakes-Gardner) who joined the family in 2008 and was considered by Duncan to be his little brother. He was a nephew, cousin, dear friend, and a beautiful soul.
Duncan was born in Richmond, BC and lived in Ladner for five years before moving to Santiago, Chile with his family in 1994. At age 10 his family returned to Canada where he spent the next 12 years in Oakville, Ontario.
He was a delightful child. A curious and inquisitive lad, he was fascinated by nature and creepy crawly things. He marvelled at the slugs on the path after the rain, the business of sow bugs in the compost box and the magic of a spider’s web. A kind and gentle boy, he loved animals and wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Life in Chile was an adventure. He was great at making friends, loved Boy Scouts, reading books and playing with his sisters. He was a charming boy, learned quickly and thought deeply. He was well regarded by his teachers, friends, and their parents. He was clever, funny and affectionate. He enjoyed many wonderful travels with his family in Chile, Ecuador, Peru, Britain, Australia, Hawaii, the Caribbean, and Canada. Later, in high school, he went on an extensive trip to Europe for a semester with an educational programme which he thoroughly enjoyed.
Duncan grew into a handsome, charismatic young man. He was full of vitality and was part of a great group of friends that he made at Oakville Trafalgar High School. His friends were constantly in and out of our home for fun evenings of board and video games, and teenage shenanigans. He was a competitive swimmer and an avid soccer player. He even assisted his Dad in coaching his sister’s soccer team. Halloween was one of his favourite times of the year and his pumpkin carving skills were second to none. He loved to craft elaborate Warhammer figurines and was a top ranked player of any game he cared to master on line.
Duncan’s first job was at Pharma Plus in Oakville. He was only 15 when started so he could earn spending money, but he became a valued employee with great people and problem-solving skills. He showed his entrepreneurial side by selling Cutco knives before starting with a Student Painters business and quickly becoming a site leader. Other summer jobs included bar tending for a catering service and a junior assistant at SNC Lavalin.
At Acadia University in Nova Scotia Duncan was elected his Residence Social Convener and was responsible for a large budget to organize social events for first year students. Duncan was doing well and his future looked bright.
Problems started to surface in his 3rd year and things began to spiral downwards for Duncan as mental illness reared its ugly head. The next decade of Duncan’s life was a struggle. He moved to Pender Island in 2012 to be with his parents and seek professional help. Things improved for a while and he worked on Pender as a house painter for a time. He engaged with family and friends more.
As the cascade of ups and downs continued, various medications and various diagnosis were given. Duncan had been looking much better and engaging more in recent months, but missing his medication for a few days resulted in tragic consequences. He ended his life and his torment on May 4th, 2022.
Always our loving and considerate sweet boy, he made sure to let us know that he loved us and the wonderful life he had had.
For his extended family and friends, he left these words:
Please my friends, know I love you dear
But my world is crumbling
I need out of here.
Know my friends, I love you dear
But I must get out of here.
I’m sorry. I haven’t said much.
I’m not sure my mind is sound.
And it would surely break if
I knew I dragged you down.
Know my friends, I love you dear.
But I must get out of here.
His friends and friends of the family are welcome to join us Wednesday, May 18th, 2022 at 2:00 pm for a Funeral service and reception to be held at Holy Cross Church, 4049 Gordon Head Road, Victoria, BC. For those who cannot attend, a link to a livestream will be provided.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in his memory to Our Place, 919 Pandora Ave., Victoria, B.C. V8V3P4 (www.ourplacesociety.com/how-you-can-help/donate).
Condolences may be offered to the family below.
McCall Gardens
www.mccallgardens.com
62 Responses
I didn’t know Duncan (my connection is through Fiona), but I feel I did having read your lovely tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss, especially to suicide. I know from experience the “if only” thoughts are relentless. Sendin you strength and comfort.
Dear Wendy and family – very sorry to hear of your tragic loss. Heartfelt good wishes to you all, on your journey through grief.
Sincerely, Tina on Mayne
We are so sorry for your lost of your son. We understand as Bob has had a nephew that left us at an early age. Our thoughts and prayers are with you Aldene and Bob Corrigan. Frieinds of your parents Wendy
Oh Wendy, I am so sorry for your loss. How sad that your dear boy just could not find equilibrium here on earth. I send you and yours much love and hopes that your sweet memories of your dear son will sustain you.
Dear, dear family, we are so sorry to hear this. Your Duncan was indeed a delightful boy who was so special to us in Chile as we lived the expat adventure together at school, during many play dates, and outdoor parties. Your home was a place of fun and your children were close buddies and good friends to other children. I have so many fond memories of our family, yours, and the Hainstocks making the most of our time together. Childhood is fleeting, but you provided a wonderful setting for children to grow up. Thank you so much for sharing the happy details of Duncan’s life. In this world so many struggle. May God comfort and hold you in His arms as you grieve. We are so sorry for your loss. “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth…I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem…and I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:1-5 …He who was seated on the throne said, “…these words are trustworthy and true.”
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know the hole in your heart will never heal but I pray you will find peace in your memories of your precious son.
Wendy, Ian and family. My heart is so heavy for your loss of your darling son, brother and cousin.
I am unable to be at the service, but know your Salt Spring Friends are holding you all in our loving embrace. – Maggie, Jaysun and Kane O’Scalleigh
I was as shocked, as you all are, hearing that Duncan had passed away. It is so so hard to believe, not a day goes by when I am not thinking of you all. I sit in my house in Kinghorn, Fife, where I remember Duncan in the sea, the cold water and blue legs didn’t stop him, and dad looking after him while myself and Wendy sat on a bench chit chatting under the sun eating a few sandwiches, If my memory serves me right, he was 4 years old. My heart goes out to all of you.
Cousin STUART
Dear Wendy and Ian and Family, what a beautiful picture you have painted about your sweet boy. Our hearts are with you in the painful loss of your Duncan.
Dear Wendy, Ian and family. Words cannot possibly express our feelings for you and your family. Please know that we feel the utmost sorrow for you in the loss of your beloved son.