Roger Gordon Chatham Jolley

I would like to share the remarks I made at Roger`s funeral at Christ Church Cathedral on January 3, 2011.

I am glad to be here to honour my cousin Roger Jolley. On behalf of my father Neville, my brothers Bob and David, my sister Louise and their families, I want to share with you a few snapshots from his life – that part of it that we have been privileged to know.

Think of two lively Chatham sisters raised in Edmonton who move in their teens to Victoria – and who forever after talk about being from God’s country. One marries a naval officer, Neville Rivington, who carries her east to Montreal and the other marries a chartered accountant, Ken Jolley, who keeps her in God’s country. The letters fly between Montreal and Nanaimo and Victoria – this is the 1950s and they are settling and raising their families. The letters announce the births of their lively children and carry news of dogs, walks in the woods, picnics, and broken windows. The letters from the west tell the tales of Phil and Roger growing taller and more handsome. In the pictures, they are scrubbed for school and church but their real life is happening in the 20 acres not yet exploited by the University of Victoria behind their home on Kendal – there are cowboy adventures, tree forts, scraped knees from bicycle trips, tennis at the Oak Bay Club. Our western cousins, we think, are constantly in movement, in sports. But Roger has music too – the bass saxophone gives him a lot of joy.

Phil and Roger come east for one Christmas – was it 1966? I have the snapshot of all six of the cousins laughing and smiling by the tree with our grandmother Halvarda.

Roger comes east again for hockey camp and later for my brother Bob’s wedding, I visit Victoria from time to time over the years but life speeds up. We are working, travelling, and our parents are ageing and need care so the cards and photos are fewer.

But Roger remains a kind and thoughtful man. On one trip to Victoria, he organizes a bicycle so that I could get to know his city better – not easy to find one my size.

His love of sports – tennis, cycling, hockey, skiing – gave him great pleasure and great companionship.

His love of music continues over the years with the Fifth Field Regiment Band – somewhere I have a snapshot that shows how he wore that uniform with pride.

He was passionate about the city of his birth and about the joys that nature gave him. He and Phil made their long term plan for living in the peace of Alec Road. They won’t go off the grid because they love movies and are addicted to the channels that play movies without interruption. Roger loves silent films, especially the Keystone Kops, Mac Sennett and Buster Keaton. Roger wrote to me about the renovations but said of gardening on Alec Rd: “not a big rush for the lawn cutting detail as the rabbits and bunnies like the bluegrass/fescue blends”.

He thinks through the green design of a cozy shed where he could work. He volunteers with the SPCA and rescues Buddy.

When he came to Ottawa to join us for my mother’s funeral in 2008, I returned the bicycle favour and he explored the city – and, of course, Roger preferred the arboretum to the shopping centres and museums, buying as his Ottawa souvenir an arborist’s book on trees. And despite the sadness of mourning my mother, there are family stories to tell and laughs to share.

And we all thought that there would be more time for his plans and dreams and for our sharing of stories and laughs. Even when Roger called with the news of his diagnosis, we expected more time with this gentle soul. And so a last mental snapshot for me: I see Roger in the front room on Alec Road, looking out at the birds feeding on the lawn, where he and Phil have planted tulips and daffodils anticipating a bright array in the spring, amid the tall trees that he so loved.

He died on Christmas Eve before I could get here. It just seems so very unfair to lose such a gentle soul who had more things to do but we are glad that he no longer suffers the pain he endured in his last few weeks. His beloved brother Phil will miss him most of all – we can’t imagine the grief that he is feeling. So I am glad that you are all here today to support him.

The Canadian pioneer, Nelson Henderson, told his son: “The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” Roger would have loved that.

Dear Philip

We are thinking of you especially today as you lay to rest your gentle, loving brother. He was the sweetest cousin – always cheerful and generous. His spirit was a gift to us all.

Here’s to his love of saxophone playing, fun and family. Here’s to his generous heart. He will be missed by us all.

All our love from the east,

Louise and family

Phil, our thoughts are with you and the extended Jolley family. This has been a difficult time and we are sincerely sorry that Roger passed away so quickly. We still are amazed at his strength and ability to talk and reminisce with us. We’ve known Roger for over 25 years, and shared many experiences, exploits and adventures. We will always be thankful that we were able to say goodbye to a friend.

My sincere synpathy to Phil Jolley & Family on the Passing of Brother Roger. Look to our Lord for his comfort in this time of Grief.