It is with broken hearts we announce that our beloved son, Duncan, passed May 4th, 2022, at the age of 33 on Pender Island, British Columbia. Duncan leaves behind his Mum and Dad (Wendy and Ian), sisters Robyn, Katrine and Fiona and his cousin Jeremy (Lakes-Gardner) who joined the family in 2008 and was considered by Duncan to be his little brother. He was a nephew, cousin, dear friend, and a beautiful soul.
Duncan was born in Richmond, BC and lived in Ladner for five years before moving to Santiago, Chile with his family in 1994. At age 10 his family returned to Canada where he spent the next 12 years in Oakville, Ontario.
He was a delightful child. A curious and inquisitive lad, he was fascinated by nature and creepy crawly things. He marvelled at the slugs on the path after the rain, the business of sow bugs in the compost box and the magic of a spider’s web. A kind and gentle boy, he loved animals and wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Life in Chile was an adventure. He was great at making friends, loved Boy Scouts, reading books and playing with his sisters. He was a charming boy, learned quickly and thought deeply. He was well regarded by his teachers, friends, and their parents. He was clever, funny and affectionate. He enjoyed many wonderful travels with his family in Chile, Ecuador, Peru, Britain, Australia, Hawaii, the Caribbean, and Canada. Later, in high school, he went on an extensive trip to Europe for a semester with an educational programme which he thoroughly enjoyed.
Duncan grew into a handsome, charismatic young man. He was full of vitality and was part of a great group of friends that he made at Oakville Trafalgar High School. His friends were constantly in and out of our home for fun evenings of board and video games, and teenage shenanigans. He was a competitive swimmer and an avid soccer player. He even assisted his Dad in coaching his sister’s soccer team. Halloween was one of his favourite times of the year and his pumpkin carving skills were second to none. He loved to craft elaborate Warhammer figurines and was a top ranked player of any game he cared to master on line.
Duncan’s first job was at Pharma Plus in Oakville. He was only 15 when started so he could earn spending money, but he became a valued employee with great people and problem-solving skills. He showed his entrepreneurial side by selling Cutco knives before starting with a Student Painters business and quickly becoming a site leader. Other summer jobs included bar tending for a catering service and a junior assistant at SNC Lavalin.
At Acadia University in Nova Scotia Duncan was elected his Residence Social Convener and was responsible for a large budget to organize social events for first year students. Duncan was doing well and his future looked bright.
Problems started to surface in his 3rd year and things began to spiral downwards for Duncan as mental illness reared its ugly head. The next decade of Duncan’s life was a struggle. He moved to Pender Island in 2012 to be with his parents and seek professional help. Things improved for a while and he worked on Pender as a house painter for a time. He engaged with family and friends more.
As the cascade of ups and downs continued, various medications and various diagnosis were given. Duncan had been looking much better and engaging more in recent months, but missing his medication for a few days resulted in tragic consequences. He ended his life and his torment on May 4th, 2022.
Always our loving and considerate sweet boy, he made sure to let us know that he loved us and the wonderful life he had had.
For his extended family and friends, he left these words:
Please my friends, know I love you dear
But my world is crumbling
I need out of here.
Know my friends, I love you dear
But I must get out of here.
I’m sorry. I haven’t said much.
I’m not sure my mind is sound.
And it would surely break if
I knew I dragged you down.
Know my friends, I love you dear.
But I must get out of here.
His friends and friends of the family are welcome to join us Wednesday, May 18th, 2022 at 2:00 pm for a Funeral service and reception to be held at Holy Cross Church, 4049 Gordon Head Road, Victoria, BC. For those who cannot attend, a link to a livestream will be provided.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in his memory to Our Place, 919 Pandora Ave., Victoria, B.C. V8V3P4 (www.ourplacesociety.com/how-you-can-help/donate).
Condolences may be offered to the family below.
McCall Gardens
www.mccallgardens.com
62 Responses
Dear Wendy, Ian and family,
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
Duncan was very cheerful and welcoming friend. He always had a friendly and accepting personality. During the time we shared in Acadia war memorial, I always known him to be a friend for all.
I Hope you find the fortitude and strength to go through this troubling time.
Oh Wendy, my whole heart goes out to you. Your lovely son’s last words and his obituary were beautifully written — I’d expect nothing less from a Gardner! How tough this is. Sometimes beautiful sons with so much in their favour make decisions that are absolutely right for them but hard for those left behind. May you enjoy your next visit with him. I wish you & your family well.
Dearest Wendy, Ian and family……I am absolutely shocked and my heart just sunk as I realized and read of Duncan’s passing. I am in tears. Some of our favourite family memories of Chile are with Duncan and Robyn at your summer camp, the BoyScouts Pinewood derbies and camping, the school track & field competitions and baseball, Kermess. I can still see Duncan participating in all with his red hair, big smile, long spindly legs and an abundance of enthusiasm.
On behalf of Kyle & Brock, (whom have fond childhood memories with Duncan), and Chuck, I extend our heartfelt condolences to all of you….our thoughts and prayers are with you all at this very, very difficult time…so very, very sad to have lost your beloved son/brother. Hugs my friend….Kathi Middleton & family
I am very sorry for your loss.
Ian and Wendy, our sincere condolences and prayers to your family in your tragic loss. We extend our prayers to Duncan as he faced such challenges during the final years of his life. Our times with Duncan were brief but we always found him to be a charming, bright and thoughtful young man, may he rest peacefully.
Dear friends,
Sending you care and peace at this immensely sad time: I am terribly sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved son. You wrote a beautiful description of a life well lived- you and Ian enjoyed many wonderful experiences with your children: this combined with your ongoing unconditional love when challenges arose highlights how vulnerable each of us are and how we must cherish each day. Thank you for your honesty regarding the difficulties that Duncan bravely faced, as no family is immune from the health issues that he encountered. Thinking of your family at this time. From Bev
Dear Wendy, Ian, Fiona and Jeremy and the family you hold dear
Len and I send you our deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved son Duncan, he has found the peace he was looking for and in god’s hands for ever. The eulogy that you shared with us all was wonderful a sweet caring boy you loved. If we can be of any help we would be happy to do so. God’s blessings to you all
Sincerely Karen and Len
Duncan was a caring man and in his short time in this world he had a most loving family and special place to call home.
We send you healing prayers and share in your sadness. May the memories of your very special son remind you of God’s love. ❤️
Dear Wendy, Ian & Family
We are so saddened to hear of the loss of your Son – Duncan.
It is so tragic to lose a family member and especially one so young. Our sincere condolences to you during this difficult time.
We will not be able to attend the service next week but our thoughts and prayers go out to you all.
Jim & Dianna
Wendy, Ian & Family – So sorry to hear about Duncan’s passing. Thank you for sharing his story and the memories you all made together. Thinking of you all, at this difficult time.