It is with broken hearts we announce that our beloved son, Duncan, passed May 4th, 2022, at the age of 33 on Pender Island, British Columbia. Duncan leaves behind his Mum and Dad (Wendy and Ian), sisters Robyn, Katrine and Fiona and his cousin Jeremy (Lakes-Gardner) who joined the family in 2008 and was considered by Duncan to be his little brother. He was a nephew, cousin, dear friend, and a beautiful soul.
Duncan was born in Richmond, BC and lived in Ladner for five years before moving to Santiago, Chile with his family in 1994. At age 10 his family returned to Canada where he spent the next 12 years in Oakville, Ontario.
He was a delightful child. A curious and inquisitive lad, he was fascinated by nature and creepy crawly things. He marvelled at the slugs on the path after the rain, the business of sow bugs in the compost box and the magic of a spider’s web. A kind and gentle boy, he loved animals and wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Life in Chile was an adventure. He was great at making friends, loved Boy Scouts, reading books and playing with his sisters. He was a charming boy, learned quickly and thought deeply. He was well regarded by his teachers, friends, and their parents. He was clever, funny and affectionate. He enjoyed many wonderful travels with his family in Chile, Ecuador, Peru, Britain, Australia, Hawaii, the Caribbean, and Canada. Later, in high school, he went on an extensive trip to Europe for a semester with an educational programme which he thoroughly enjoyed.
Duncan grew into a handsome, charismatic young man. He was full of vitality and was part of a great group of friends that he made at Oakville Trafalgar High School. His friends were constantly in and out of our home for fun evenings of board and video games, and teenage shenanigans. He was a competitive swimmer and an avid soccer player. He even assisted his Dad in coaching his sister’s soccer team. Halloween was one of his favourite times of the year and his pumpkin carving skills were second to none. He loved to craft elaborate Warhammer figurines and was a top ranked player of any game he cared to master on line.
Duncan’s first job was at Pharma Plus in Oakville. He was only 15 when started so he could earn spending money, but he became a valued employee with great people and problem-solving skills. He showed his entrepreneurial side by selling Cutco knives before starting with a Student Painters business and quickly becoming a site leader. Other summer jobs included bar tending for a catering service and a junior assistant at SNC Lavalin.
At Acadia University in Nova Scotia Duncan was elected his Residence Social Convener and was responsible for a large budget to organize social events for first year students. Duncan was doing well and his future looked bright.
Problems started to surface in his 3rd year and things began to spiral downwards for Duncan as mental illness reared its ugly head. The next decade of Duncan’s life was a struggle. He moved to Pender Island in 2012 to be with his parents and seek professional help. Things improved for a while and he worked on Pender as a house painter for a time. He engaged with family and friends more.
As the cascade of ups and downs continued, various medications and various diagnosis were given. Duncan had been looking much better and engaging more in recent months, but missing his medication for a few days resulted in tragic consequences. He ended his life and his torment on May 4th, 2022.
Always our loving and considerate sweet boy, he made sure to let us know that he loved us and the wonderful life he had had.
For his extended family and friends, he left these words:
Please my friends, know I love you dear
But my world is crumbling
I need out of here.
Know my friends, I love you dear
But I must get out of here.
I’m sorry. I haven’t said much.
I’m not sure my mind is sound.
And it would surely break if
I knew I dragged you down.
Know my friends, I love you dear.
But I must get out of here.
His friends and friends of the family are welcome to join us Wednesday, May 18th, 2022 at 2:00 pm for a Funeral service and reception to be held at Holy Cross Church, 4049 Gordon Head Road, Victoria, BC. For those who cannot attend, a link to a livestream will be provided.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in his memory to Our Place, 919 Pandora Ave., Victoria, B.C. V8V3P4 (www.ourplacesociety.com/how-you-can-help/donate).
Condolences may be offered to the family below.
McCall Gardens
www.mccallgardens.com
62 Responses
Dear Wendy, Ian and Family.
I am truly devastated to hear the news about Duncan. He was truly remarkable, a really good friend. I have such huge, fond and happy memories of all our time together in Chile as well as the few times I went over to visit after you returned back to Canada. I still do recall those days with much fondness, such as at camp in Onondaga, and how he got me to do the flying fox (but not water skiing as that was too crazy). He was always adventurous, happy and probably one of the best friends I ever had. It’s a ridiculous thing, but he first showed me Morrowind on the XBox when I visited once, which meant I had to get one when I got home. Even after all these years, every time I use it I still remember it was Duncan who really got me into it (although I obviously didn’t tell him at the time and denied all involvement).
I will forever remember him in that light, for he was a light. Although time and distance meant we lost contact over the years, he will forever be missed as he touched my life and changed it forever.
All my thoughts are with you at this difficult time,
Andrew N
Dear Wendy and Ian,
Thank you for sharing the life of your son with us in words, memories and love. The time with your family on Aspen Forest still brings many thoughts of fun, friends and family. A home filled with busy events and much love . Duncan was an adventurer with a respect courteous and sometimes sly grin. The picture you have chosen to honour him in this remembrance is a compliment to his spirit. May God bless you, give you peace and the strength to walk through this grief with the hope and knowledge that all is well with his soul in God’s loving embrace. Much love from Nanci, Scott, Joshua and Megan …Aspen too.
Dear Wendy, Ian and family. I am so sad to hear the news of Duncan’s passing. I am the father of Greg , one of his high school chums . Duncan and the rest of that high school gang spent a lot of time hanging around enjoying each other’s company. They were close and it was always entertaining having them around. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Dear Wendy, Ian and family,
It’s hard to find the words to comfort you at this terrible time. We knew Duncan over most of his life and enjoyed watching him mature from an exuberant youngster to an articulate, loving and considerate adult. He was a very special nephew and cousin to all in our family.
Our love, thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Remembering that beautiful child from the early days in Ladner.
May thoughts and prayers from a friend, sustain you through difficult times.
With sincere and heartfelt sympathy.
Corinne
Wendy, what a beautiful obituary you have written for your dear sweet son Duncan. I am deeply sorry to hear of his passing. How hard this must be for you. He wrote beautiful words when he left, and I have read his obituary over a few times. My heart goes out to you so much Wendy. Katrine
My dearest friends, Wendy and Ian – I just can’t find the words to tell you how very sad I am for you both and your family. I got to know many sides of Duncan over the past few years and felt very close to him in many ways. His kindness, gentleness and cleverness will stay with me for as long as I live. Duncan is still with you in your heart and mind for your lifetime.
I pray that that will be some comfort especially during this very painful time.
Dear Wendy and Ian, This is such a beautiful tribute to your sweet son. Sounds like he had a rich and full life, though far too short, and I know he was deeply loved by his family and friends. Heartfelt condolences to you both on your profound loss.
Dear Wendy, Ian, and family
Shirley and I send our condolences for your loss. It is such a hardship to lose someone so young and so close.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Bill Critchley and Shirley Arthur.
My Dear cousin Wendy, Ian, Robyn, Katrine, Fiona & Jeremy,
What a beautiful beautiful story of Duncan’s life. We were privileged to of meet Duncan several times when he was a little boy on your trips to Scotland and again as a young man when we visited Pender in 2016. I remember having a few lovely chats with him. He was a credit to you both. There are no words, just know our love and thoughts are with you all. I will keep checking in on you. I’m only a message or video call away. Our deepest and heartfelt condolences.
Love Viv James & Family. Xx