It is with broken hearts we announce that our beloved son, Duncan, passed May 4th, 2022, at the age of 33 on Pender Island, British Columbia. Duncan leaves behind his Mum and Dad (Wendy and Ian), sisters Robyn, Katrine and Fiona and his cousin Jeremy (Lakes-Gardner) who joined the family in 2008 and was considered by Duncan to be his little brother. He was a nephew, cousin, dear friend, and a beautiful soul.
Duncan was born in Richmond, BC and lived in Ladner for five years before moving to Santiago, Chile with his family in 1994. At age 10 his family returned to Canada where he spent the next 12 years in Oakville, Ontario.
He was a delightful child. A curious and inquisitive lad, he was fascinated by nature and creepy crawly things. He marvelled at the slugs on the path after the rain, the business of sow bugs in the compost box and the magic of a spider’s web. A kind and gentle boy, he loved animals and wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Life in Chile was an adventure. He was great at making friends, loved Boy Scouts, reading books and playing with his sisters. He was a charming boy, learned quickly and thought deeply. He was well regarded by his teachers, friends, and their parents. He was clever, funny and affectionate. He enjoyed many wonderful travels with his family in Chile, Ecuador, Peru, Britain, Australia, Hawaii, the Caribbean, and Canada. Later, in high school, he went on an extensive trip to Europe for a semester with an educational programme which he thoroughly enjoyed.
Duncan grew into a handsome, charismatic young man. He was full of vitality and was part of a great group of friends that he made at Oakville Trafalgar High School. His friends were constantly in and out of our home for fun evenings of board and video games, and teenage shenanigans. He was a competitive swimmer and an avid soccer player. He even assisted his Dad in coaching his sister’s soccer team. Halloween was one of his favourite times of the year and his pumpkin carving skills were second to none. He loved to craft elaborate Warhammer figurines and was a top ranked player of any game he cared to master on line.
Duncan’s first job was at Pharma Plus in Oakville. He was only 15 when started so he could earn spending money, but he became a valued employee with great people and problem-solving skills. He showed his entrepreneurial side by selling Cutco knives before starting with a Student Painters business and quickly becoming a site leader. Other summer jobs included bar tending for a catering service and a junior assistant at SNC Lavalin.
At Acadia University in Nova Scotia Duncan was elected his Residence Social Convener and was responsible for a large budget to organize social events for first year students. Duncan was doing well and his future looked bright.
Problems started to surface in his 3rd year and things began to spiral downwards for Duncan as mental illness reared its ugly head. The next decade of Duncan’s life was a struggle. He moved to Pender Island in 2012 to be with his parents and seek professional help. Things improved for a while and he worked on Pender as a house painter for a time. He engaged with family and friends more.
As the cascade of ups and downs continued, various medications and various diagnosis were given. Duncan had been looking much better and engaging more in recent months, but missing his medication for a few days resulted in tragic consequences. He ended his life and his torment on May 4th, 2022.
Always our loving and considerate sweet boy, he made sure to let us know that he loved us and the wonderful life he had had.
For his extended family and friends, he left these words:
Please my friends, know I love you dear
But my world is crumbling
I need out of here.
Know my friends, I love you dear
But I must get out of here.
I’m sorry. I haven’t said much.
I’m not sure my mind is sound.
And it would surely break if
I knew I dragged you down.
Know my friends, I love you dear.
But I must get out of here.
His friends and friends of the family are welcome to join us Wednesday, May 18th, 2022 at 2:00 pm for a Funeral service and reception to be held at Holy Cross Church, 4049 Gordon Head Road, Victoria, BC. For those who cannot attend, a link to a livestream will be provided.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in his memory to Our Place, 919 Pandora Ave., Victoria, B.C. V8V3P4 (www.ourplacesociety.com/how-you-can-help/donate).
Condolences may be offered to the family below.
McCall Gardens
www.mccallgardens.com
62 Responses
Dear Wendy, Ian and family. It is with a terrible sadness that we heard of your loss. It is so tragic to lose a child. We are glad that you are able to have so many good memories of Duncan. His life was not easy, but it was obvious he cared for his family.
Dear Ian, Wendy and family. I never had the pleasure of meeting Duncan but I am sure from your description of him I would have enjoyed his company even if he did prefer soccer to rugby.
There are no words that can express such a loss and we are all saddened by his passing.
Dear Wendy, Ian and family
We are reeling from the shock of your devastating news of Duncan’s death. I couldn’t believe it to begin with and then could only cry. Your eulogy and his words are heart wrenching. I keep remembering such happy times in Chile. He was such a good friend of Andrews and a brilliant, lively and enthusiastic young boy. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I wish there was something we could do to ease your pain.
With our deepest love and sympathy. Jane and David
Dear Wendy, Ian, Robin, Katrina, Fiona and Jeremy,
I was in the train from Quebec City to Montreal when I received the call from Fiona announcing, with tears in her voice, the heartbreaking news… her dear brother Duncan is gone.
Suddenly through the window of the train, I remembered one moment that will always remain a fond memory of Duncan. I would love to share with you.
Allow me to add one piece of the beautiful testimony of his short life.
The event took place in Chile in your big and beautiful garden… the garden of memories.
I was sitting beside Duncan and observing him. He was drawing his own chess game and moving the pieces… one by one. His creativity and brilliant aptitudes in making his own chess game and moving the pieces at his own rhythm stayed in my mind. He played the game with confidence and pleasure by also making up his own rules. At that time, I never thought that Duncan would be placing his last piece of his life… on May 4th. He was the king in moving pieces on a chess game … even stunningly in the last piece of his own life.
Dear Duncan, you will always be the best chess player. Continue to shine brightly to light the garden of memories.
Love, Nicole Barcelos
Dear Ian and Wendy and family,
We did not know Duncan, but your tribute to him describes an outstanding young man who was deeply loved and will be deeply missed. The world will be less because of his loss, but his star will shine bright.
So intensely saddened and shocked by Duncan passing. Our deepest condolences.
Dear Ian, Wendy and Family,
Joe and I are so shocked and saddened by this tragedy. Your words have beautifully conveyed what a remarkable, sensitive and compassionate person Duncan was. Our hearts are with you in this terrible time.
Dear Wendy and Ian …
I am heartbroken after learning about the sudden passing away of Duncan, and I am so very sorry for your loss. Mental illness is such a cruel disease and many men will rather cry in the dark than look for help or follow their medical treatment as prescribed. I now close my eyes and can still see the super sweet skinny little guy back in Santiago, Chile, for the three or four years I tutored you in Spanish. His image is so vivid in my mind, I can see him with his red hair, always happy and always asking me questions about this and that. He had such a curious mind and was so smart! I also remember how much he loved every pet that joined the Pirie-Gardner family. May the Lord give you, Ian and the girls the strength to carry on and hold you all in HIS arms while you grieve.
Never forget he is still here, though you don’t see him, he is right by your side all the time. His body is gone but you know he is always near, in everything you feel, see or hear. His spirit is free but he will never depart as long as you keep him alive in your hearts.
I gave my daughter Gaby, back in Chile, the sad news and she is sending you much love and a big hug.
I’m also sending you a big hug. Hope you can feel it.
To Wendy, Ian and family: We are bereft of the words we wish we could find to bring you comfort. Our hearts are with you and we wish you all the strength you need right now.
Wendy, Ian and family. We are deeply sorry for the tragic loss of Duncan. Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.